Nesting Arrangements – What are they, are they good for children and what is the financial impact?

What is a nesting arrangement?

This is the name given to the arrangements for the sharing of the care of the child(ren) when the child(ren) remain in the family home, and the parents rotate between the houses. The name comes for the notion of birds nesting, i.e. one bird leave the nest in search of food, whilst the other remains with the chicks, and the parents rotate.

This is most commonly used as a short interim solution in circumstances where the separating parents continue to share the family home as their main residence, or when the parents who has moved out is yet to set up a permanent or suitable home elsewhere.

Is it in the children’s best interests?

The answer to this question will be different for each family. On the positive side, it is thought that nesting can decrease the immediate impact of the parents’ separation for the children, causing less disruption to their routines. On the other side of the argument, there are concerns that the arrangement could cause confusion and stop the children from coming to terms with their parents’ split.

Recent Case law

In the recent case of A, B and C (Children: Nesting Arrangement) the Court considered nesting arrangements. The family had settled on an arrangement which saw the parent’s sharing the care of the children equally and coming and going from the family home for 2 nights and then 5 nights at a time, on a repeating pattern. The father wanted the arrangement to continue until the final hearing of the matter, which was 6 months away. The mother wanted to take the children to her new home. The matter was before the Court for an interim hearing.

Interestingly, during an exchange with counsel in the course of the hearing, the judge described the nesting arrangement as “desperately unsatisfactory … not a satisfactory long-term solution or even a mid-term solution” and observed that: “there is more than enough money to sort it out … with the resources available in this case … it should be more than possible to arrive at a solution where each has their own home and it is the children who do the shuttling rather than the adults.”

Within the proceedings relating to the children, an independent social worker was instructed. The father told him that he favoured the nesting arrangement because it provided the children with a stable and consistent base, ensured that they remained together “in the only home they have known”, and best reflected their lives prior to the breakdown of the marriage. The mother told him that the father was a frightening man who would always get his way and gave examples of how she said he had behaved during the marriage and following the breakdown. She said that she did not feel able to sustain the nesting arrangement, and that, even if phased in over time because of the children’s wishes and exam schedules, shared living arrangements in two separate houses would be in their best interests.

The independent social worker concluded that the children should balance their staying time between both parents in their separate homes. In his report, he noted:

“In my experience, nesting arrangements work well and can be of benefit to all when the parents are in accord. I also have experience of such arrangements when the parents continue to be in conflict and where the children remain exposed to the same. I am not aware of such arrangements, where parental conflict and discord remain, that remain in place or afford good outcomes for the children.

I am concerned that maintenance of the current arrangements will further harm the quality of the children’s relationship with their mother. Any transition to new child arrangements will present challenges but, in my opinion, the difficulties associated with the transition will be less significant than the ongoing harm experienced by the children if there are no changes to the current arrangements.”

In his judgement, the Judge concluded that the nesting arrangement had “significantly overextended beyond the time that it has been helpful to the children”. He continued:

“In my judgment, it gives false promises to the children as to the reality of their parents’ separation. It deprives the children of spending quality time with their mother in the new home that she has established. It seems to me that to expect the mother to see the children away from her home directly impinges on her ability to be as good a mother to them as she possibly can be. It is not right that it should continue for another seven months…”

The Order made provided for the mother to have overnight care of the children in her new home. The father’s appeal against the Judge’s decision was unsuccessful.

What does this mean?

Considering this judgement and the judicial comments made, it seems evident that at the judicial level there is a view that nesting arrangements are only likely to serve a family in the short term.

This very much reflects my professional experience working with parents who, whether by design or accident, find themselves in a nesting arrangement. Most commonly, the driving motivation is to maintain as much normality for the children as possible at the early stages of the relationship breakdown. The nesting arrangement might work well for a short while, but I find that it inevitably takes its toll on the parents as they struggle to remain civil with each other and crave the privacy and independence that two separate homes would provide.

Does nesting have a financial impact?

Another driving factor for separating couples are financial considerations.

If one parent moves out into rented accommodation whilst the financial negotiations take place, there is a very significant cost to be met. For married couples, that cost will likely reduce the overall “pot” available for division between them, making onwards purchases after the conclusion of the proceedings more difficult if not unaffordable.

Further, the parties may both be advised that remaining in the family home is preferable when it comes to those negotiations or the presentation of their financial case to the Court. They may be concerned about the precedents that are being set by the interim arrangements and have an overall feeling that the circumstances are unfair.

In the immediate term, if the parents continue to live together there is no child maintenance payable. For the less wealthy, it may also mean that benefits that could be claimed once living separately from their partner (for example child benefits and tax credits) are not available. Unless both parties have an independent income, or savings available to them to meet their ongoing needs, there will need to be an interim financial agreement reached in additional to the nesting arrangements.

The above is just a snapshot of what is a complicated decision for most people when their relationship breaks down. There are always going to be multiple competing factors, but an important consideration which can often be pushed aside is the impact that any nesting arrangement will have on the mental health of the parents (and the knock-on impact that that has on the children). It is important to seek independent advice at the early stages of the relationship breakdown so that you can be clear about these competing factors and ensure you are making well informed choices for you and your family.

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